Transition Time
"Transitions can be tough. Whether your child is leaving for school or living at home while attending classes, it's an adjustment for everyone involved.
Emotions are bound to be mixed. For many parents, the "I want them to stay forever young" feelings often do battle with the "Yes, they really need to grow up and go to school now" thoughts. That's completely natural. This person, whether they're an angel or a challenge, is part of your life. And that doesn't have to change.
What will change is the frequency of communication and the nature of that communication. You won't be able to see every part of your student's life. You'll need to trust his/her instincts and the positive values instilled in her/him. This trust is key to making the college transition work for both of you.
A student who feels trusted by his parents:
- has more self-confidence
- can stand up for what he/she believes
- knows he has support back home
- is better able to say "no" when the situation warrants
A student who feels mistreated by his/her parents:
- may defy authority because it's expected of him/her.
- won't communicate about what's happening at college
- will look to others, some who will be good influences and others who won't be, to fill that void.
- will keep secrets that could be harmful.
Just because students head to college, it doesn't mean that they are leaving you behind. They still need you and your wisdom, your counsel, and your love. They just need you in different ways now. For instance:
They need you to let go.
It'sdifficult for a student to start making his own life at college if his "old life" keeps pulling him back. So, let's go to the extent that your conversations contain a balanced mixture of what's happening on campus and what's happening at home. And try not to do everything for your student either - the experience of figuring things out on his/her own can be a real strength-builder.
They need to be able to make mistakes.
Part of exploring this newfound sense of independence involves the inevitable making of mistakes. A student who is terrified of "screwing up" in his/her parent's eyes may not take positive risks such as tackling a new subject or trying out for a play. Students need support as they take risks. And risks most often lead to growth.
They need to know that you believe in them.
As your student tries new things, expands his/her worldview and questions assumptions, his perspective may change. Successful students are able to experiment like this because, at the root of it all, they know that someone back home believes in them."
Source: A New Chapter: How Parents Fit Into Their Students' Lives At College. Copyright: PaperClip Communications.
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